day # 5

A week ago today in my post ‘for as long as possible‘, I wrote the following –

It is Friday and today is the day I am looking for pain relief – today is the day I receive my Superior Hypogastric Nerve Block procedure.  I certainly will update you next week with how I feel and the results of this procedure.

Next Monday I start my radiation treatments; another potential for pain relief.  I have no expectations concerning the radiation, except I want something good to come from it.

From this past Monday’s post ‘Failed‘, here are some excerpts –

It is Friday evening and as usual my pain is great and I am feeling little to no difference in my pain level several hours after the procedure was done.  I take my usual amount of evening pills and prepare myself for another rough night.

Gary sees what I go through each day and he is frustrated the doctors cannot find the source of the pain.

Dr. L indicates there are no other tests and the radiation treatment that starts on Monday should help with reducing the pain.

In today’s post, I write the following –

It is Friday again and day # 5 of my radiation treatments.  20170416_194313 (2)I will take the weekend off and then start again Monday for another 5 treatments.  Yesterday after my treatment I met with my Radiation Oncologist Dr. M. to discuss the status of my treatments.  There is nothing new that I reported except that my pain continued to be extreme.  Dr. M. felt if I would receive any pain relief from the radiation he would expect it by the end of next week.  If I do not then we will re-evaluate the current plan and make possible adjustments.

Dr. M. also placed 2 referrals in at Moffitt Cancer Center for me to see other specialty groups.  One group will take over managing my medications and ensure all my specialty doctors are in sync with what is taking place with my care.  This group may also provide alternative pain management treatments such as acupuncture and physical therapy.

The other group is a supportive group that will provide services such as hospice and other needs I may require as I continue with treatments.  Gary and I recently were talking about looking at hospice services.  In yesterday’s post ‘Phone Calls‘, my good friend and fellow blogger Jodi over at THE CREATIVE LIFE IN BETWEEN wrote the following comment –

Terry. Has anyone talked to you about hospice care? I know it scares a lot of people to talk about but it is a field I work in and it is NOT a death sentence. It can give you a fuller LIFE during the journey you are on. They can provide a lot of support physically and emotionally and spiritually and help Gary and help your pain. Just something to consider. Some people use it and feel better and don’t need it any more. Others use it for many months. It is something to think about. Sending lots of love. Xo

Thank you to Jodi and other friends here that support me in so many ways.  Your support, encouragement, thoughts, prayers and hugs are always welcomed and appreciated.

Happy Weekend Everyone!

One More Try

There are countless posts on my blog written about life; the whys, the what’s and the reasons.

Why do we live?

Why do we suffer?

Why do we die?

What is the meaning of life?

What is it we need to do?

What is the meaning of death?

Reasons to live life to the fullest.

Reasons to stop and smell the roses.

Reasons to not fear death.

I have many questions, I always have, and along the way I feel I received some answers; but then again, more questions came from those answers.

Many times, I publish posts about certain topics and will include a link to other posts for those that might be interested in reading them.  My posts about life, the meaning of it, death, learning and other topics from my mind can be found in the category ‘Attitudes, Feelings and Views‘.

I always stated this blog is about me and my life; and many posts I have written mention my faults and weaknesses.  I am far from perfect and at one time in my life I thought I was supposed to be.  I overcame that thought and realized I just will put forth the effort to be a better person each day.  Each day I grow, sometimes just a little bit; but I grow.  Each day I move forward; towards being a better person and towards death.

Last month, I published a post ‘Faith‘, where I wrote about the impact of George Michael’s album had on me at a difficult time in my life several decades ago.  His album Faith was important to me at a time I needed something to hold on to.  During many times in my life, I have needed some sort of faith.  Depending on where I was in my live; what trials and tribulations were taking place or the demons I had around me – sometimes faith appeared when I least expected it.   Many times, faith was a message that came from someone else and over the course of my life, that message came in the form of a song.

A song from George Michael’s album Faith is titled One More Try and includes the following lyrics –

I’ve had enough of danger

And people on the streets

I’m looking out for angels

Just trying to find some peace

‘Cause teacher

There are things that I don’t want to learn

And the last one I had

Made me cry

This song One More Try is about a relationship with another person.  But could it also be about a relationship with God or ourselves?

There are many different teachers in my life who have taught many different lessons.

Times in my life god and believes taught me.

I have taught myself.

My mom, dad, husband and many others have taught me – including George Michael.

And though I have learned many things in life and improved myself and became a better person with each passing day, year and decade – I still have questions.

As I continue to ask the questions and continue to make mistakes and stumble, I am given one more try.

That teacher; whoever or whatever it is – continues to give me one more try.

(Note: my responses to your comments will be delayed this week.  Please understand I continue to be in recovery mode and am moving slow.)

My Teacher

Several weeks ago, I read a post from a fellow WP blog TheALK3RPost

Their post titled ‘Abraham Lincoln’s Famous Letter to His Son’s Teacher’ resonated with me.

image1

Image Provided by: Surabhi – WordPress.com

As I read the letter, I was thinking about what is taking place in my life now; what life is teaching me.  Cancer has helped transform me into a better person.  How is this so?  Life is short – even when it is long.

I am not always a good person.  But can I be better?  Yes – and cancer can help.

As I currently take a journey with cancer, I remind myself, what is important?  What am I doing that can make a difference or not make a difference?

Am I just here to exist?  It there a reason for cancer in my body?  How does it affect me?  How do I affect others?

Many questions with some answers.  So how does Abraham Lincoln’s letter to a teacher affect me today?

To read the complete letter Abraham Lincoln wrote visit TheALK3RPost blog by clicking this link: Abraham Lincoln’s Famous Letter to His Son’s Teacher

Here are some excerpts from that letter Lincoln wrote many years ago –

“My son starts school today. It is all going to be strange and new to him for a while and I wish you would treat him gently. It is an adventure that might take him across continents. All adventures that probably include wars, tragedy and sorrow. To live this life will require faith, love and courage.

So dear Teacher, will you please take him by his hand and teach him things he will have to know, teaching him – but gently, if you can.

Teach him that for every enemy, there is a friend. He will have to know that all men are not just, that all men are not true.

Teach him to learn how to gracefully lose, and enjoy winning when he does win.

Steer him away from envy if you can and teach him the secret of quiet laughter.

Teach him if you can – how to laugh when he is sad, teach him there is no shame in tears.

Try to give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone else is doing it.

Teach him to have sublime faith in himself, because then he will always have sublime faith in mankind, in God.

This is the order, teacher but see what best you can do. He is such a nice little boy and he is my son.”

image2

Image Provided by: http://www.cafepress.com

For over a year now, my teacher is cancer.

My cancer is teaching me many things about life, about others, but more importantly about myself.

The Voice (not the TV show)

I wrote in my post ‘Mindfulness Meditation‘, the following –

At times my mind is chaotic with thoughts swirling and never ending.  My mind can feel like ‘white noise (Static)’.  Do you remember old TV sets, with a station with no programming, the visual static and noise it made, at times my mind feels similar to this.

I wrote in my post ‘What is meditation teaching me?‘, the following –

Meditation has joined with me and helps me, though a slow process for me, it is improving me.  Meditation is taking me to a quieter mind and bringing me back to be in the moment, at this time at this place; a better place.  Meditation is teaching me, though a slow process for me, to have additional patience, improved concentration and to have calmness during times of interruptions.

In today’s post, I write the following –

During one morning’s meditation, I recorded my mind!  You ask how can you record your mind?  Not easy, I would not try this at home – very dangerous!

Listen as I proceed and take you through a short period of meditation –