Brotherly Transformations

Still more came to visit.

As mentioned in this past weekend’s posts, I had more family visitors.

The trip was planned for some time, and I did not foresee myself being in the hospital.  But there I was and here they came and we made the best of it.  This family visit involved my oldest brother, his wife and their daughter and son.  Gary, the usual host with the most; never skipped a beat and helped make the best of their time here when not visiting me in the hospital.  Really, who wants to go to Florida and spend their time at the hospital?


Image Provided by: Kyrene Foundation

With the arrival of Monday came my brother and his family’s departure.  We were not able to spend a great deal of time together, but that time together was important for all of us.  They needed to see and visit with me just as much as I needed to see and visit with them.

As with all the previous family visits, there were tears, honestly, openness and the knowing that this time spent together could very well be our last time together.

Monday morning, it was only my brother to come visit me one more time before heading back home to Texas.  This brotherly time together, just us two together and talking about our relationship through the years was important.  This time together to share a hug and say, ‘I love you’ without feeling embarrassed and uneasy is what I believe to be the conclusion of a lifetime brotherly relationships and brotherly transformations.

We both came full circle in this relationship of ours and we departed knowing the love we have for each other is strong, real and sincere.


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The previous years and years of what use to be our brotherly relationship was transformed on Monday.  A new brotherly relationship like none other we had experienced over the years.

Why wait until the last minute for these transformations?

I have no answers; I guess that is just life.

I love you brother and your family and thank you for visiting me.

You are important to me, as is our brotherly transformations.


From last Friday’s post ‘Looking for Pain Relief‘, here are some excerpts –

This past Monday before the Facet Injection procedure took place I spoke with Dr. P.  We discussed the changes that had taken place with regards to my body since my initial consultation with him.  Dr. P. knows I now have additional Lymph Nodes with cancer and other Lymph Nodes where the cancer has grown larger.  He is also informed by me that my pain has increased as well.

Besides my lower back pain, I also experience pain in my right groin area that has increased as the weeks have passed.  Also, my nerve pains that radiates down my legs and up my back have increased as well.  Along with this increased pain is an increase in pain medications.


Crazy Things My Brain Says – blogger

So, Wednesday and Thursday came and went and how was my pain level?  The same as usual – a level 5 increasing in the evening to a higher level.

I am still looking for pain relief.

In today’s post, I write the following –

Last weekend my pain level was 10+ and Gary considered taking me to the emergency room.  Instead he spoke with a doctor at the Moffitt Cancer Center about what I was experiencing and the possibility of admitting me into the hospital.  The doctor felt admittance would not serve a positive purpose because of upcoming appointments in the next couple of weeks I have at Moffitt Cancer Center.  He suggested I increase my pain medication (again).  The pain medication was increased and I am managing the pain the best I can.

You may remember several weeks ago, I had an appointment with a Neurologist Dr. T. at the Moffitt Cancer Center.  Dr. T. felt my Lymph Nodes located in my lumbar region that have cancer are pressing against my genitofemoral nerve, so possibly this nerve could be the cause of some of the pain I am experiencing.  Dr. T.s impression and plan also included his feeling concerning my recent lengthy surgery in January.  He feels this also could be a cause of some pain due to pressure that was placed on my lateral femoral cutaneous nerve during the 10 ½ hour surgery.


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He felt radiation treatments would help reduce these tumors in my lumbar region and therefore relieve some pain.  Dr. T. referred me to a Radiation Oncologist.

This past Tuesday, I had an appointment with a Radiation Oncologist Dr. M.

The appointment started with the usual blood pressure, temperature checks and any recent updates to health, medications, etc.

I then met with a nurse, and then a physician assistance where my pain history was gathered and a physical exam took place to determine the extent of my current abilities.

The pain in my right groin area has increased.  This first started with just an occasional pain and now is constant.  This groin pain as well as my other pains is affecting my walking, sitting and standing and I have extreme difficulty sleeping at night.  I currently am experiencing many different pains daily and they are all becoming worse.

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My current cancer, pain and health condition were discussed with the Radiation Oncologist Dr. M.

I will update you on Monday with the results of this appointment.

Thank you everyone who sends prayers, thoughts and hugs every day – they are appreciated.

Coloring & Making Bracelets

It has been a long time since I wrote a post about Gary’s mom.  She has Dementia and is currently living with Gary’s younger brother in Florida near Pensacola.  For those of you who wish to know more about her, you are welcome to read these posts I wrote last year –

My Mother In-Law Teacher

…hold back the tears in my eyes

Dementia – It’s Been A Long Road

My Mother In-Law’s Library

You may remember, we took Gary’s mom from the younger brother’s home to the older brother’s home in Orlando right before Christmas last year.  She stayed with the older brother until we took her back to the younger brother in late March this year.


Prior to our actual move from Pensacola, Florida to Tampa, Florida, I had a consultation with an Oncologist at the Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa.  That consultation resulted in subsequent tests later that same week.  There were tests scheduled in one day and it literally took all day to complete them.  A couple of these test involved having to spend several hours in between them and Gary and his mom needed to do something while I was having the actual tests.


We were fortunate that Moffitt Cancer Center has specific areas in their hospital for just that; finding something to do.  While I was having my bone scan, Gary and his mom spent time coloring and making bracelets.   I wanted to share a few pictures with you of Gary’s mom – my mother in law.  She is 94 and is in great physical heath and she can walk faster than me.  There is the Dementia that causes issues at times, but that day while waiting for me, she was happy coloring and making her bracelets.

And do you see the important message she had for me?


How will my story be written?

In my post ‘What do I want to leave when I am gone? ‘, I ended with the following –

Maybe this blog and maybe someday that book will be available to them to read and maybe, just maybe they will learn something from me.

What do I want to leave when I am gone?


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In today’s post I start with the following –

How will my story be written?

Well I guess my story is being written through this blog.  My writings come from my heart, my soul and yes my brain as the words are my own.  My words reflect my life; my life is reflected on this blog.

Do you remember what I wrote on my ‘About Me’ page?  It may have been awhile since you read it.

From ‘About Me ’ –

This site was created to share my life; my life filled with failures, disappointments and successes. Why am I here? I live and do the same as others and I wonder why I am here? Starting this blog at age 55, I am nearer to death than I have ever been, but yet feel I have so much to accomplish and much more to experience.

In my 20s I had many years of therapy to deal with depression and of the many things I learned, one still stands out: there are many other people that are not much different than me.

Most of us have average lives, filled with disappointments and failures and through life we have issues to deal with due to events and other people and with ourselves. So, what makes my life more special than others? Well nothing really. The difference is this is my life that I am writing about.

I wrote these words little more than a year ago and they continue to be true today.  I believe I am starting to find the reason why I am here and I am starting to understand my meaning and my presences in this world.  I continue to believe I am no different from you and others in this world.  Sure we have different lives, different locations and different people in our lives, but we truly are not different.


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Our lives are filled with disappointments and failures as well as successes and wins.  I still believe we have average lives; average is not a bad word, it is a midway between good and evil, high and low, happy and sad.

Through my writings I have created an outline of my life; conversations, understandings, thoughts, feelings, offence, opinions, tears, laughter, joy and sadness.  I may have helped someone somehow with my writings; then again I am certainly helping myself with my writings.

My life is in me and on this blog; this is my story being written.

Will my story be forgotten?  Will anyone really care about my story?

How will my story be written?

It started with 4 ‘Likes’

Today is the 12th month of my blog!  My anniversary post is something different than the usual posts I write.


A year ago today in my first post ‘Hello World, this is my blog.‘, I wrote the following –

This is my very first post. What should I write that may be of interest to others?  Not much and then again maybe I do have many things I can write about.  I am an ordinary person, just like many others who live ordinary lives and do ordinary things.  I have many opinions about the everyday stuff, some important and some not so important.

The words I write, some readers may not like, others just will not read them, but others may find very interesting.  My words are my own and do not belong to anyone else.  The writing comes from me: my opinions, thoughts and ideas may change daily, over a longer period of time or never.

I will start soon writing about something and see where it goes from there.

In today’s post, I write the following –

With that first post, I had an idea of what I wanted to write about.  I wanted to be honest, sincere and true to me and in my written words.  I try not to sugarcoat my posts, I just write my thoughts down and the words flow and the posts are created as a result of me and my life.

I received 4 ‘Likes’ on that post a year ago today.  I think the fellow bloggers who ‘Liked’ that post; well they were being nice as that post was really not very interesting.  In the past year I have written 385 posts, with 156,147 words that received 8,751 likes and 6,963 comments from 4,601 visitors that resulted in 18,369 views.  WOW – AMAZING!

Now if I take the amount of words and equate that to miles and stay on the equator of Earth, I will travel around the world a little more than 6 times.

This means my blog is traveling much further than I could have ever anticipated.

Now if I take the amount of comments and equate that to smiles, I have smiles to last a lifetime.

This means my blog is producing many smiles in this world other than my own.

Now if I take the amount of posts and equate that to whews, I have scored a lot of points in Scrabble.

This means my blog is amounting to many more points than any game I have ever played.

Now it I take the amount of likes and equate that to thank you, I have a great many polite expressions I need to make.

This means me and my blog are thanking each one of you the followers and readers from the bottom of my heart –

Thank You!


What do all these interesting facts have to do with my blog – everything –

And I could not have achieved them without every one of you!

Today is the 12th month of my blog!  My anniversary post is something different than the usual posts I write.